| yeah so |
[28 Apr 2005|03:06pm] |
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bye livejournal.
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| MESSAGE TO ALL |
[28 Apr 2005|02:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
Don't think that I deleted that entry because I'm a coward.
Don't think that I deleted that entry because you hurt me.
Don't think that I deleted that entry because I came to my senses.
Don't think that I deleted that entry because I felt beat.
Don't think that I deleted that entry so that others wouldn't see it.
Don't think that I deleted that entry to hide things about myself that I didn't want people knowing.
Don't think that you had anything to do with my deletion of that entry, the only bit you had in part with it was that you all fucking misunderstood me. You all fucking failed my test. You all fucking judged me and threw me up in some random category and said that I was "immature" when maturity lies in nothing of my deep thoughts.
I'm sick of being misunderstood. I always thought that online communication, where I don't have a face [unless it's in photos ;)] is the only communication where I am totally me.
But I guess totally me is a fucking mental retard, because nobody can seem to understand the plain and simple words that come out of my mouth.
Although it might not be that. It could be a human's natural longing to compete and to fight. And perhaps to be in drama. And perhaps to defend their friends...
Whatever. either way, it's not me. So after another apocalypse, I decided, hey I have the power to stop all this stupid drama that has gotten to a point of annoyance by now.
Tell me that isn't a "grown up" thing to do.
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| *Day 144* |
[28 Apr 2005|02:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
H&CD. test.
Chorus. good.
History. Computer lab.
Creative Writing. Journals etc.
Study. fun-ish.
Psychology. fun.
Alyssa gave me rides to and from school today because my parents took my car to get tires and to get it inspected.
I have a fear of dinosaurs. for serious. I lose sleep over it, too. It's scary.
Umm...I guess I'm starting to get sick of the LJ Drama. my only reason being that it's annoying to see that so many people that said that they understood me, don't really. So that makes me interpret them as being liars. So therefore. Everyone lies and it's really annoying. So many people judged me on that entry. I can't even call it being judged, I'd call it like....being....ignored. in a backwards sense.
I've found myself becoming extremely defensive of one person. I won't say who, but I just found myself getting wicked uberly mad whenever someone else wanted to hang out with them, or whenever someone else visited them, or whenever someone else called them amazing, or even considered them a friend.......not healthy...
Also found out something bout me that was a little disturbing and unexpected. But I guess I already know where I stand on the situation and everything, like I did before, it's just now it's something personal. But eh, I'll keep truckin'. I think.
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| *ughh* |
[27 Apr 2005|10:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 scared |
] |
So I'm wicked paranoid right now, because someone followed me all the way from work, to my driveway. They followed me, partially with their high beams on, and I was going like 60 some of the way so I could lose them. But they followed me to my house, turned around in my neighbor's driveway, stopped in front of my driveway, waited for me to get out of my car, and then they revved their engines to an extent that most would think that they were breaking their cars, almost hit a car coming the opposite way down my street, and that was it.
I don't know if it was a girl that I work with [but she lives in Bellingham and she told me she was tired, so why the hell would she follow me 25 minutes out of her way? plus when I was at a stop sign I sorta saw a face and it looked like a guy.] So yeah, lucky me, my very own stalker. I was thinking about turning into the school parking lot and kinda trying to get away from that person, but then I was like "if it's not Jessica from work, then I shouldn't put myself in that sortof place with someone like that."
Oh yeah, and I'm not allowed to say what I feel anymore. Because apparently LJ Drama = bad? Psh, it's like my favorite hobby. But then again, lots of my little hobbies would be considered bad by the masses. Meh. Also, I decided that as much as silly people say the present matters, it doesn't. Your past is the story that tells who you are, and the future is the story that tells who you want to be. What is the present but the past? I'm not saying don't live your life to it's full potential, just the present isn't truthfull what matters. I thought a lot about doing something real stupid tonight, and for once there's no one to tell me not to do it. But I won't do it because I'm far too cool to do that. yeah. sure. okay.
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| *Day 143* |
[27 Apr 2005|03:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dirty |
] |
Psychology. Fun. I'm going to have a huuuge proble NOT diagnosing myself with the disorders, but oh well.
Pre-Calc. Josh's shirt was dirty.
Chorus. Bleck. no cabaret.
Lunch was hilarious with all the boys.
History. More on Malcolm X and stuff.
Creative Writing. Jim's journal entry was awesome, he went through every person in the class and criticized them. it was great.
Study.
Came home, read some LJ comments. Like I said to Nate last night, "People can be so uptight, and it's funny."
I have work from 5-9ish.
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| *hmm* |
[26 Apr 2005|10:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
So I went to therapy. it was alright. The usual. Betty bought me a cute journal though. I can't wait to start using it.
Afterwards, I went to Nate's to pick him up. I got lost on the way there, but I did find it alright, and so we headed out to Wendy's. He's a fun kid. I really think so. We ate Wendy's and then went to Cold Spring and watched some little kids spin on the tire swings, while we sat on the swingy swings. Then we came to my house, and I came in and said "Mommy, I found him at the park, can I keep him?"
We just watched crazy TV and played with my cat. My cat LOVES him haha. I broke my videocamera unfortunately, and then it bit me. Then I had to bring Nate home even though he was practically asleep on my bed, because my bed is SOOO comfy. Almost fell asleep on the drive home, myself.
So I decided, hey, screw my pre-calc homework. I'm gonna go to bed.
good night.
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| *Day 142* |
[26 Apr 2005|03:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
] |
Study. Wrote Compo entries.
H&CD. Little girl Eva came in. She's 2 1/2. She was sooooooooooo cute. Can't wait to have kids. Well, I can at least wait until I am old enough and financially able to support the child.
Pre-Calc.
Chorus. Andrew's back.
Lunch was good. Danced with Jenna and Erin to annoy some stuck up snobs.
History. Watched movie on Malcom X. Good shit.
Creative Writing. Goodness gracious the giggles are so contagious.
Came hoooome. Now I just need to write my pre-calc paper, do the pre-calc homework, and then MAYBE work on my speech for creative writing.
But I am going to therapy at 4, and I won't be home till late late, because I'm going to hang out with Nate Nate after! :D FINALLY haha
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| *sdkjfhs* |
[25 Apr 2005|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
So Betty, my therapist, is back in the office tomorrow, and I just so happen to go to therapy on tuesdays, so I guess I'm going back to therapy.
Not really sure how much of a waste of money it is, but hey, don't really care.
So I'm going to go tomorrow and see if it does put me in a better mood, even if just for a few hours...
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| *ATTENTION* |
[25 Apr 2005|05:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
Hey, if you have anything to say about my journal entries, I always welcome comments.
If you're my friend, I won't mind you proving me wrong, I absolutely love when my friends speak up for what they believe in, even if it is completely opposed to what I believe, and it makes me look retarded.
If you're my enemy, comment anyway, because i already hate you, what do you have to lose?
Don't be a pussy about it and write another journal entry about how stupid my points were and how what I say is ignorant and I'm a piece of slutty white trash so I shouldn't be talking. Kthnxbye.
Comment, fuckers.
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| *Day 141* |
[25 Apr 2005|04:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
] |
Creative Writing. Decided for a persuasive paper that we have to write, I'm going to write about boston beat down vs. passifism. Or just like Teaching with violence as opposed to teaching with nonviolence.
Psychology. Got john super pissed and blamed it on Mike.
H&CD. boring.
Lunch. So I decided how ridiculous it is that people are like "I didn't go to prom because I'M AN INDIVIDUAL." haha people are so fucking stupid, I went through that phase and defining my individuality in like....kindergarten.
Pre-Calc. Pat shaved his beard :(((((((((((((
Chorus. no Andrew.
History. Watched a movie on like racism or something. Some of the civil rights movements are really interesting. Like Malcolm X, that guy was absolutely amazing. From believing that White men = bad, to calling white men his brothers, he is like the ultimate human being.
So I'm gonna try this and see how far it goes...
Good things about today:
1) Being back in school.
2) Finding out that I can write a paper on an awesome topic.
3) Knowing I did awesome on the Psychology test.
4) Being back in Pre-calc with that group of kids, even if they hate me I still enjoy being around them.
5) Watching those awesome movies in Fed's class, and not falling asleep.
6) Opening my checking account.
7) Getting Thursday: "This Song Brought to you by a Falling Bomb" okayed by Russ for me to sing at the Cabaret.
8) Coming home to like 4 comments on my stereotype entry.
Bad things about today:
1) Waking up and feeling sick and shakey and just gross.
2) Feeling empty and alone in the morning/throughout the day.
3) Finding out I have a pre-calc project to do by tomorrow.
4) Andrew not being in chorus to hold my hand.
5) Boy Meets World wasn't good.
So i guess today was a good day?
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| *10 millionth update* |
[24 Apr 2005|10:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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meh |
] |
You are not tuff at all!
You are probably the "sappy emo bitch"
Bury Your Dead was talking about. You're not
interested in violence or breakdowns or
two-stepping at all, you just wanna make out.
Get tuff nancy-boy.
How TUFF are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Haha, I'm a nancy boy. awesome.
This raises a contreversial debate-worthy thought. Why do these "Posi" kids think that violence is the only way to prove to other people that drinking, smoking, doing drugs and eating meat is wrong. Kicking someone's ass is just going to raise law suits.
I dunno I had more points when I was thinking about it before.
I guess I'm just Ghandi or something, because I honestly hate violence and think it's the stupidest thing, and that it doesn't prove anything. I know if someone kicked my ass, I would probably do my "defiant" behavior more.
Plus, everyone is entitled to their own life, and they shouldn't get their asses kicked for living the way they want to.
Maybe I'm just stupid for saying anything.
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| *recap* |
[24 Apr 2005|02:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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kinda crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"What I Could Stand For" _Mates of State |
] |
Recap of my wondrous spring break:
Friday - Work.
Saturday - Work.
Sunday - played with my hair.
Monday - hung out with Cory and Jaimie.
Tuesday - Did nothing. Watched TV. Got pulled over. Went to Cold Spring for a tiny bit with James and Jeremy.
Wednesday - did nothing until work. then worked.
Thursday - Went out with Nick in the morning. Then had prom.
Friday - Did nothing until Work.
Saturday - Work.
Sunday - Well I got gas and the total came to $33.01. riddick. Tonight I'm going out with Bobby, Kellie, and Nate.
So...like 55% of this vacation was work for me.
44.5% was thinking, desiring, wishing, doubting.
.5% was decent okay time.
But alas, what should I have expected? nothing less.
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[23 Apr 2005|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
bitch got paid!
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| *surveys* |
[22 Apr 2005|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
( wee )
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| *Poll* |
[22 Apr 2005|10:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 curious |
] |
Do not answer this unless you have had a relationship or are in a relationship that has lasted for more than 6 months:
What has/had kept you and that other person together for so long? List 3 things if possible.
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